"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." -Mahatma Gandhi

Durga Puja is one of the biggest holidays celebrated in Kolkata and begins on the 11th of this month. Huge structures are built along the streets (initially supported only by
bamboo frames, which look terrifyingly unsteady) and colorful lights are strung out over every alleyway. I'm really excited for this holiday because it's basically been described to me as a mixture of Vegas and Christmas. Who wouldn't like that, right?

As for the rest of my work, well... I am going to make this a reasonably honest post and I have been wrestling with some things here. Disclaimer: for the next 3 paragraphs I'll be talking about God and stuff. India's view of Christians in general is hard to handle (hence the title of this blog). Granted one of the most famous ladies of India, Mother Teresa, showed the country the self-sacrificing, relentless, unhypocritical love that comes from God. However, that is not the only example of Christianity that lingers here. I think the very idea of this faith echoes back to British rule, and therefore is immediately negative. One of the first weeks I was here I was telling an American woman who has settled down in Kolkata that I was a Christian. She stopped me and said, "Call yourself a believer instead. 'Christian' has an negative, oppressive connotation here, and people won't like that." It caught me off guard and I didn't really know how to reply.

It is not to say that Christianity is not well known here. The best schools in Kolkata (and I'm assuming most of India) are Catholic schools where students memorize the Lord's Prayer and most of the Catholic doctrine. However, when my friends tell me what they know about Christianity, it's basically rehashing of learned information, with about as much conviction as if I had asked them if unicorns were real. There is no mention of a relationship with God, and instead there is just a lot of religious language and knowledge about some saints (which is great to have but I think for them it looks scarily similar to their many gods). Even if someone did believe, Jesus might still be considered just another God to worship along with all the other hundreds of Hindu gods or a school story to regurgitate. The way God was explained to me as a child is a much different image than the one my Indian friends would describe to me.

So how do I attempt to apologize for the way Christians have seemed to hurt the people of India so much, and how could I ever show what this God means to me? The word missionary can be taken the wrong way. Even for me, it is a churchy word that was always
thrown out whenever it was time for the offering plate to go around. I knew when I first came here, my intent was not to "save as many souls as I can" or "evangelize to everyone" but instead I came here with a desire to show God through service and love. I think that is honestly what a missionary is: willingness to go and to love and to serve like Jesus did. I really do believe that actions speak louder than words and if my life can show that there is another way which leads to ultimate contentment and fulfillment, then I will try my best to live that out. Just about everyone knows I'm a Christian because I do talk about it often. It's a huge part of who I am, so how could I not? Do I want people I love here to have the same relationship with God as I do? Yes. Will I tell them all about what I believe in? Of course. I'm just struggling a bit with the way I've heard people describe Christians here and the overwhelming sea of disbelief that is against something I believe so strongly.

That being said, for all the things that are hard: mosquito bites, tummy aches, sweaty indian metros, and really persistent rickshaw wallas... I'm happy I am here. India is teaching me to love better. I actually teared up the other day when I was talking about the New Light kiddos. There are a couple of the older ones who I am getting especially attached to and as I learn more about their stories, they break my heart. I really love them and would like nothing more than to see them all go to college and leave Kalighat. I know New Light is doing a wonderful thing here with these children and I am just extremely blessed to be here and see it for awhile.

I'm now teaching guitar lessons every day at NL. Some of the students are really talented and I am so excited to see how they will do after a month of lessons. Also, at Mother Teresa I might be moved to work specifically with the blind boys because a volunteer is coming back and will resume teaching Binoy. I love Binoy but I have realized that while I was happy for the opportunity to spend time with him... I really, really don't enjoy teaching. Sorry Mom and Dad, that skill was not passed down to me.

Enough with deep thoughts, here are some great things that have happened these past two weeks:

• I moved into my own flat, which is free of mold and bugs and scary cats that crawl through my windows at night. I love it! It's my sanctuary during such hectic, busy days, and I have a lovely balcony which overlooks Southern Avenue. So thank you to those who sponsored my move. You know who you are, and I could not be MORE grateful for your generosity.
• I really like the team I work with at Daya Dan! The people are pretty awesome and it is not often that I feel lonely here.
• My relationships with people are growing stronger and I am thankful for all the help that I get whether it be big things like setting up my own internet account, or little things like how much pomegranates cost from the local market.
• I get to see my Daddy at in 3 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!! He has a meeting in Delhi and I get to fly to see him for a week! I'm so excited I can't stand it!!!!!!
• Also, after that week in Delhi I get to do my water project! If you don't know what I'm talking about you can click here and read about it. Basically, I am installing a water generator in a school I volunteered at last summer. 

That's all for now. Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I love you all!