"In a gentle way, you can shake the world." -Gandhi

I'm tempted to steal him

I am in love with the slums! So SO SO in love! As I said in my last entry, there is an Italian run NGO that works with the children in one of the slums near the river. It is based in a large one room "club" behind one of the nearby temples and serves as an activity and education center for the kiddos around it. The children are so quick to laugh and play and never have less than oodles of energy (we had a dance party last week and I had to take a 2 hour nap to recover). They live in a community that I have only ever seen in movies: the little tents that line the rail-tracks. The families live so close to the tracks that when trains pass by, everyone must quickly get up from whatever work they are doing outside (cooking, washing, bathing) and must press themselves up to their homes so the train doesn't hit them as they pass by. I experienced this once myself as I walked with a couple volunteers along the track. Even though I was safe where I was, if I straightened out my arm it would touch the train. I couldn't imagine living that close to something so dangerous.

I am extremely impressed with the NGO and the people who run it are absolutely wonderful individuals. I am encouraged and excited to continue serving there! And I have made this little friend name Raki. She's my dance partner and likes riding around on my shoulders.

As for Mother Teresa's, well let's say my stomach is getting stronger. Working in the medical dispensary has made me so thankful for my own health, education, and access to closed toed shoes. Seriously... I won't elaborate but we regularly see living things where they shouldn't be, or appendages that are the wrong color, or even sometimes bones... like in real life... I have seen a toe bone just chillin, being a toe bone... Basically I am learning how to not be a weenie in order to treat really gnarly wounds. The more I volunteer, the more my respect for this organization grows. Mother Teresa started something that was hard. A lot of the people are SO hard to love and I don't mean that to sound pious or holy or whatever. When Mother Teresa wanted to serve the poorest of the poor that was a promise to everyone and anyone... even people who cheat the system and try to take advantage of the organization, its medical care, its services, and its general giving nature. 

I've had numerous conversations, with both Indians and foreigners, about a thing called the "scarcity mentality" which is seen in any country or area where lots of poverty and need exist. According to this, people fight to provide for themselves because there are not enough resources (money, water, food) to go around. If they don't fight for it, then they will not be taken care of. This is the mentality in India and I see it in both obvious and subtle ways. It's obvious in the salesmen and taxi drivers who continually charge

foreigners too much because they know we can afford it and typically we don't known local market prices. It's more subtle in things like overly pushy crowds, or harsh words, or the way people behave towards each other, children, and street animals. Gentleness isn't very widely practiced here. That's an understatement. If India had a word, it's opposite would be gentleness. Kolkata is loud and in your face all the time. Gentleness is so needed here because of the possibilities is has. Above all it can change hearts. After all, that's how God won me over in the first place, with gentle reminders that He loved me. I think a lot of the hurt in this place could be healed with gentle words and promises to take care of each other instead of looking out for oneself. When Jesus said "Love your neighbor as yourself" this is what He meant.

That pretty much wraps everything up for now, except one very very very AWESOME announcement. When I was home for Christmas my darling mother hooked me up to speak at Glenn Marshall Elementary school in Richmond. After hearing about my water project in Udaipur, the 5th graders pledge to raise enough money to fund another system! I am STOKED to announce that they reached their goal and raised almost $600 in just three days. Way to go guys, I am beyond proud of you and when I heard the news I literally started crying. In public. It seems like I will be able to install so many more systems than I originally thought, that I will probably have to leave for Udaipur within a month to get everything done. This is not a bad problem to have :) I cannot be more excited!

Oh one last thing.....One of the sweetest parts of my week is Hindi lessons! My teacher is this adorable Bengali woman who claims her students are the joy of her life. I am obsessed with this lady who is helping me understand the world of words around me. And each session comes with a delicious assortment of teas! 

A lot of sad things have happened at home these past couple weeks. A beloved professor and friend (who read this blog regularly) passed away which was difficult because of the huge impact he made on my life and walk with God. Then a couple days later, so did a high school classmate of mine which shocked the whole Madison Central family. Keep my loved ones at home in your prayers and also myself for being far away and not being there to celebrate their lives. They were two amazing people and the world is a little less bright because they aren't here.

"It is always wise to look ahead, but difficult to look further than you can see." -Winston Churchill

This entry is long overdue, and for that I apologize. Being home for a month was a great experience for a number of reasons…. For one, it involved cheeseburgers and comfy beds. Obviously, not much could go wrong there. I got to spend much-needed family time and relax with my friends who I missed so much. Being home was indeed wonderful, but I think it was also crucial because I realized something.

I came home to the same house. The same yard. The same old cat (who is somehow

miraculously still alive). The same great friends. The same loving family. But as I spent more and more time at home, there was a feeling deep down that something was off. It was almost like when you wake up from a dream you can’t remember but knowing whatever you forgot about was important. I couldn’t figure it out… until one day I was looking in the mirror brushing my teeth and all of a sudden I knew what it was: I was different. Me. I was what was off. Not in a bad way, but in the way one sees things that makes life look different.

The nagging feeling kept whispering to me, “You’re not done, there’s still more to do.” It was for that reason that getting on a

Christmas shenanigans

plane and coming back to this city wasn’t as scary as it was in August. I knew India had made me stronger, more independent, less naïve, and more capable of understanding how I could help these people I have come to love so much. I am someone different and I didn't notice it until I was in a place that knew me when I was someone else.

So, enough about home… and a little bit more info on what I am doing now.

I knew before I left for Christmas that I wanted a change when I came back from the States. Since I will be here for one full year, I think it would be a shame not to see many different houses that Mother Teresa’s has. Therefore, I am now working at what is called the Dispensary at Daya Dan (yes the special needs home where I used to be. This means I see the boys every day before I head out). The Dispensaries are the clinics inside the different houses of the Missionaries of Charity and are targeted towards aiding the street people. I never ever in a million years thought I could do medical care. Me… the girl who passes out when she sees needles go into skin. But…. I have found that I love the Dispensary. I have been taught how to clean wounds, bandage random infected appendages, organize medicine cabinets, and keep a waiting room from imploding into fist fights. Also, and possibly regrettably, I have seen first hand infestations of pinworms and hookworms. That was a rough, rough day...

I love this change because that means I am seeing the medical side to Mother Teresa’s and it is growing me in new ways. Maybe someday I will get over my needle phobia. They

Dan falling asleep at the Dispensary

key word there is MAYBE.

Now… to talk about a difficult decision I recently came to. I will not be returning to New Light, and this was a decision that took me two months to make. New Light is wonderful and the children have captured my heart. However, I have known for some time that my volunteering there has run its course. Last “semester” of my stay in Kolkata, I realized that it was incredibly hard to volunteer at two physically demanding places. I was at Mother Teresa’s from 7:30-12 and then at New Light from 4:30-7:30 every day and eventually it was taking a toll on my health and mental fortitude. Instead of doing one job well, I was spreading myself so thin that I was only able to do one well. Somedays I did Daya Dan better, and some days that was New Light. I didn't like that it had to be a decision, but I was kinda running on fumes by the end. 

Also, for reasons outside of my control, New Light became an environment that was more negative than positive for me to be around. This has been a hard decision for me to make and I cried when I told them I was leaving, but I know it’s for the best. I suck at listening to God… but luckily He knows that. When I pray to know His will, it is not uncommon for me to pray for doors to shut and I know that’s what has happened here. This will bring me more open doors, I know. In fact, there is a wonderful NGO in the

This little nugget made my first trip to
the slums great!

slums that I have visited several times with friends and I hope to now be able to give them more of my time soon. I ask for prayers about this, because it is so hard to change but it has been a HUGE learning experience and I know I am better now because of it.

So, pray that I remain strong for the last 5 months or so of me being here. Pray that I do not lose sight of love for those in need, that I am not selfish with my time, and that I am faithful in the small things. I have zero idea of what will happen in the next little bit, but that just means God does… and that’s better than any plan I could come up with anyway. 

Oh, and one last thing… while I was home I was able to talk to several churches and schools about the water project for the schools in Udaipur (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, click here). If I receive all the support that people promised me, I should have enough funds to install more water purification systems than I originally thought. It is too early in the game to put a number on them… but lets just say more than 4. So thanks guys for your support. This is about to be really cool.

"I'm thankful for every moment." -Al Green

Happy Thanksgiving America! This is the first time I've been absent from my grandparents' Thanksgiving table and it is a bittersweet event. I miss my family, the food, and the love that comes with being together with people who love me. However, when one of the little girls ran into my arms the second I arrived to New Light, I was reminded that I am loved here too and I have a lot to be thankful for. So in honor of this lovely holiday, here are 31 things with I am thankful for in Calcutta.

1. Coco and all the New Light babies who make my days in India worth it

2. Beholding beauty and poverty side by side every day

3. Street puppies and kitties who just really want to cuddle despite their fleas

4. Street dogs who use chairs

5. Street goats who kind of almost use chairs

6. Seeing high school girls gain the knowledge and ability to get clean drinking water for their whole school

7. That cuddles with Piyal happen on the daily. Just LOOK at her! Her nickname is marshmallow and she is the one who runs to me as soon as she arrives at New Light. 

8. For birthday parties with super cool birthday hats. Thanks Maria!

9. Mother Teresa friends from all over the world who have hearts for those in need. There are so many more that aren't in this picture, but I am grateful for all the relationships I have made here.

10. Jennifer and Sunnie, for being my support system, for listening to my homesickness, for playing with the New Light kiddos, and for fixing my saris for me. 

11. My newfound respect/desire for/ appreciation of the existence of dishwashers and washing machines. Technology is amazing.

12. Sleepy babies! Because who couldn't be thankful for sleepy babies!?

13. Having a better understanding of special needs, education, and care. Both the teachers and other volunteers are showing me what compassion really means

14. The fact that ice cream and hot chocolate exist in this country too

15. Volunteering in a ministry I have wanted to be a part of for years. The love and sacrifice of these women and men encourages me daily and words can't describe the ways it is reforming me and teaching me every moment

16. Pizza. Also known as edible joy. 

Dominos is GLOBAL!

17. The local coffee shop across from my apartment and my manager friends who let me blast American music as they are closing/cleaning

18. Henna! Cause it's pretty

19. Pool parties with good friends!

20. Care packages containing magical American goodies!

21. Going to concerts where it is socially acceptable for the lead singer to be shirtless and in a lungi (man skirt!) Bold move sir....

22. Buying fresh fruits and vegetables every day for nickels and dimes. I can feel myself becoming healthier

23. Music and the happiness that it brings. Bollywood music is growing on me as well.

24. Life's little achievements... because I'm learning it's the little things that matter

25. My newfound ability to operate an Indian kitchen. Also, that I am able to cook for people I love every week. It really is one of my favorite things

26. The flood of cards I have received from FBC and everyone back home. They really really really make a difference guys and I am so lucky to have so much support

27. The many holidays that are celebrated here. I know there is an excess of holidays  in India but it reminds me of the basic fact that life should be celebrated!

28. Cows who know they are more important than  you are

29. The fact that my standards of hygiene, cleanliness, and self sufficiency are drastically more resilient than when I left. Sometimes, you are going to walk through ankle-deep poopy water, there might be a cockroach in your fridge, or a fly/hair/mystery thing will be in you food... no problem. Deal with it.

30. I'm thankful for the chance to better understand the poverty and need here in India. Providing aid and care will not always be successful. It may not be wanted. It will not be fluffy or a good story sometimes. It is hard, messy, tiring, frustrating, and very overwhelming. However, I have found motivation for not giving up and a reason for hope in the faces and smiles of the children I serve. I am thankful for the chance to help inspire change and in turn a lot of change has been inspired in me.

31. Above all, I am thankful for a God who gave me a passion for service. Without God's calling I would not be here. Without God's patience I would have given up months ago. And without God's love, there would be no way I could get through many of my days here. Often, people are hard to love, but I think that is our calling as Christians and our purpose as people. I'm thankful for this year and the opportunity to love better and more completely.

Do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God. -Micah 6:8

"We need each other, deeper than anyone ever dares to admit even to themselves." -Patch Adams

The closer I get to coming home (22 days... not that I'm counting) the more I realize how much I've changed in just 4 months. My dad made me notice it first when he came to visit me in Delhi. The changes were slow but now I can really tell a difference in myself. I'm happier, more content, and I think India has reawakened this deep sense of purpose that I somehow forgot about between high school and college. In church songs and bible verses, it is said that God makes all things new. That is the best way to describe the state of my heart and soul while being here. Don't get me wrong, I have never been more frustrated or tired or lonely or utterly pissed off than I have been at times here. On the flip side though, I have never seen so many beautiful people or found reasons for hope than in my days here in India.

What I value has changed a ton as well. The importance of community has been a central theme that keeps coming up for me in a lot of different ways. For one, the children at New Light prove just how different a life can be when loved and supported by the right people. Think about it! The little babies that cover my Instagram page would have an entirely different future if New Light didn't take them under their care and teach them there's another way that's free of limits or caste. How incredible!  Furthermore, I have realized just how necessary community is for the soul.

I am becoming a good cook, if I do say so myself. This idea of community and cooking have gone hand in hand for me in the past couple months. At Mother Teresa's, volunteers from literally all over the world come to serve those in need. As would be expected, most are truly incredible people and I have loved getting to know them and call them friends. However, as I've said before the most common time span for volunteers to remain in
Kolkata ranges from a couple days to 2 or 3 weeks. Therefore, people come and go so much here it can get really sad at times... especially when I am always the one saying bye. (At Daya Dan it's a little different because only long time volunteers work on my floor. Since it is required they must be here at least 2 weeks, this has been where I formed the deeper friendships I now have.)

Since the majority of people I meet don't stay very long, I have decided to look at the time spent with them as that much more precious. I have started inviting volunteers over to my apartment for dinner every Sunday. I have found that I really enjoy cooking for others and bringing people together to just share something as simple a meal. I try to make something different every time (except for the fried chicken I was asked to make twice. Yes, the girl from Kentucky had to come to India to learn to make fried chicken. Sorry Mamaw.) This idea sounds simple, but it really has made an impact on me. Most of the time the group that shows up don't all know each other. However, even though some dinners may start off somewhat quietly, by the time everyone leaves I've had to shush the room several times so we don't upset my landlord above us. My friend Dan was helping me with the hot dogs in the kitchen yesterday ('Merica food night) and said "There's been so many different groups of people over here, ya know? Different, but still feels the same here, especially when everyone's laughing."

If anything, this year has been teaching me the value of people and relationships no-matter how small. I now have friends from Norway, France, Chile, China, Korea, Japan, Spain, Canada, Australia and all over the States... and most have been in my kitchen at one time or another. My mother used to crack me up the first month I was here when I talked to her on Skype. After questions about my health and safety it was always, "So have you made friends yet??" I had no way of knowing then, but yes Mom. I definitely have.

Because I have been so lucky to surround myself with such good people, I have also been made that much more aware of India's poverty. I don't mean physical poverty even though that also in my face every day. Mother Teresa said "loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty" and this was coming from a lady who experienced the deep physical poverty of Kolkata her whole life. It is so important then to stop and think that the poverty she felt was the most devastating was also the one we can't really see... we can only feel. Often I pass old women huddled on the streets in their widow white saris. Their backs are hunched over and they are either shaking a little tin can of coins or merely holding out their hands hoping for something to find its way in. Like I have said previously, this is normal to me. Old men and women like this are all over the streets. But ya know, these people were once young with families and jobs and friends and communities. They probably cooked for people too. How did they end up on the streets and how did they lose their communities so much that they literally have no one? If all you had was a tin can and a street corner, how deep must your poverty run? It's terrible to think about, and makes me realize over and over that people were made for other people.

“And this also," said Marlow suddenly, "has been one of the dark places of the earth.” -Joseph Conrad

Last week I had the opportunity to travel into Sonagachi, the largest red light district in Kolkata. It is the residence of over 11,000 women, as well as several men, trapped in the sex industry. There are alleys upon alleys of brothels where women are leaning on walls and sitting in doorways waiting on clients. Along the streets young girls are lined up, based on ethnicity and area of origin. Most buildings either look like they would give you lung cancer just by entering them or that they are freshly painted by the same companies that work for circuses or state fairs. The strange contrast between old slimy buildings and brightly colored ones is unsettling, but deep down you know they are all crumbling from the inside even if they do have a fresh coat of paint. I sense the people are much the same.

All images are from google. Taking pictures of women
on the street would not have been okay.

 New Light is based in Kalighat, the red light district 2 minutes from my house. Yes, there are women standing on the side of the road much like Sonagachi, but these are women I pass by every day and say hello to. Two of the days I have been here I went to work in a sari and they told me over and over how nice it was as I was walking down the alleys. To me, this is normal now. How strange of a normal. Either way, even though the same type of things go on in Kalighat, I felt completely different as I walked down the streets of Sonagachi. New Light opened up a second shelter called operation Starfish which will hopefully grow to the size of New Light Kalighat (however, due to the sheer number of women and children in this area, I have zero doubt it could be even bigger than its mother cite).

Another volunteer, Sunnie, and I walked into the one room daycare for the sex worker's children around noon that day. 20 little toddlers were reading books or playing with educational toys but at the sight of us they knew it was play time. However, unlike the children in Kalighat New Light, some of the littlest ones had no idea what a white person was and were quite terrified to play. After some play time, Krishna asked us if we wanted to make 'home visits' with some of the staff. "Of course!" we said and followed them out into the street.

As we were walking down the roads, there was no shortage of staring. Many of the women waved to us, some blew kisses (I think it was innocent... maybe), and there were choruses of "hello madam" from the men. We went door to door to visit the mothers of the children in New Light. It comes to no surprise that all were extremely sweet and
welcoming and just excited that their children were being cared for in a way they couldn't provide at home. We were offered chai, food, promises of return visits, and one girl even stopped me on my way out to tell me I was beautiful. They were all amazing, strong women. It wasn't until I was back on the streets that I remembered that these women worked in the sex industry. In fact, every single woman that met my eye in every direction was more than likely a prostitute. It didn't feel weird. In fact, it felt so normal and so okay that it scared me.

You see, Sonagachi actually looks no different than many Indian streets to me. Businesses are operating, people are doing errands, cooking on the street, selling fruits or goods... one could easily forget that these women suffer on a daily basis by adding their bodies to this list. The ladies weren't dressed in anything obscene. I had a mental image in my mind about red light districts before I came here. It looked much like scantily clad women in lingerie, cat calling men and parading down streets while showing off their bodies. Granted, it was day time when I went, but this is nothing like what I saw. These women were merely silent, staring at those that passed by. The most inappropriate outfit I saw would be conservative by western standards and most are in saris anyway. In fact, if some didn't have so much make up on or all weren't standing in lines together, it would be easy to not realize they were sex workers and only women standing on the street looking bored.

I know extremely little about Sonagachi but what I did learn was unsettling. As you get deeper into the brothels, and higher up the floors of the buildings, you go deeper into the true soul of Sonagachi. The girls get younger, the women more exotic, and here is where the dancing sex workers, which are the most popular because of their talents, are kept inside and are not let out. As I did home visits, many of the houses were incredibly tiny and hard to breathe in. I'm not claustrophobic but I was struggling to get my lungs to work in many of these places with all the cooking and poor ventilation. I could not imagine spending my life in a building with the only company being clients and other women in in my position. It would be an easy place for someone to break and give up. New Light is attempting to stop this generational sex industry by giving some children of these women an education. Maybe, eventually, this aid will reach to the mothers as well. However, for now the focus is on the children and to give them a safe place to learn and to play and to be children in a place so dark and so eager to take childhood away.

My visit made a pretty big impact on me. How can things like Sonagachi exist? And how can they feel so normal to me at the same time? Look at my culture. We have prostitution, yes. We have loads of human trafficking within our own boarders, yes. But I have never seen the sheer magnitude of sex workers in such horrible conditions and in such a hopeless state before. As I was walking to leave, one painted face passed me and looked me straight in the eyes. She was absolutely gorgeous. Eyes smudged black with eyeliner looked straight into mine and her look was one of puzzlement. It was almost as if to say "Why are you here? You don't belong. This is not a place for you." Her perfectly painted red lips did not smile or open to say hi. She could not have been a day over 17. She'd forgotten, or maybe she never knew, that she doesn't belong here either. This not the place for her. She's worth far more than she thinks she is. I will not forget her face.